The scandal is believing that these mean-spirited ramblings bear some resemblance to what passed at the Algonquin round table or a Friar’s Club roast when it doesn’t even rise to a level acceptable to either Crispin Glover or Kiefer Sutherland from their druggie acolytes by the river.
What would have been funny:
- Thank you all for coming. I know how hard it is this time of year with all the budgets and actuarial reports you pore over.
- I was even a little late tonight as our office had to rejigger some plans when the Supreme Court unexpectedly found one of our laws constitutional.
- I don’t want to hear any more whining about me not talking to the local media. Just tonight I answered over a dozen questions (mostly yes) and I count that as responding to the press since most of the waiters here are ex-statehouse reporters.
- That new Monmouth University poll that finds 99% of New Jerseyans saying I would not make a good human being is deceptive since most of the people I talk to (political donors) say they prefer me as a heartless asshole willing to do whatever their money tells me to do.
H.L. Mencken might have summed it up best:
A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and truth in front of patriotic passion.